“I Drink, and I Know Things”

Our title, “I drink, and I know things” is a classic line that I hoped would capture fans and non-fans alike. Even out of context, that leads you to immediately wonder what they know.  But I digress. The last two episodes of HBO’s Game of Thrones loom in the future. Like many, I was hooked from the beginning and have been a diehard fan ever since. I have never begrudged anyone who did not watch or was not a fan, as my own tastes in entertainment do not fit a mold either. Though it would seem hard to argue that the casting, direction, cinematography, locations, and acting weren’t all top notch. Hell, craft services was probably like eating at a five-star restaurant. But taste in story line, period, and content matter cannot be prescribed. I get it. It just wasn’t your cup of tea.

Thankfully, the abundance of fans lent my daily life to include plenty of conjecture, critique, and theories being discussed with the people I see. Your input was not missed, I guess. I was happy that you were happy. I mean it has dragons dude, but whatever.

Then something happens. I don’t know if these people then hear so much about it that they finally decide to tune in for the final season, or they are house sitting for a friend who has HBO, or Uncle Bob finally figured out how to pirate the neighbor’s cable, or the rock they were living under turned over. But suddenly, here they are. The “new” fans. Limping along in conversations as they replay the last episode they caught up on. Asking you to clarify twist and turn of plot, without divulging any spoilers. Never sharing the angst, the misery, or the addiction a “true” fan knows. Binge watching from their comfortable chairs, pausing and playing the action at their whim. Never for a moment being held in the suspense that is next week’s episode. Much less, the languishing agony that was more than eighteen months between seasons. What would a “true” fan have given to know that Jon was not dead? Intervals so long in your dosage of Westeros history that you begin to withdrawal. Gaps that require the “true” fan to watch the whole last season again before the next one starts, just to insure they are up to speed. “True” fans have seen every episode at least twice. You don’t know our pain, our suffering. The tears, the want, the fickle teasing of a coy lover that is patience, with a franchise who has you hooked, and they know it. I do not suffer these artists their toils. The reward in scope, picture, and drama are your fruits and the time has ripened them well. But, for the “new” fans: “Shame, shame, shame (tolling of bell)”. All of you should be made to wait a year and a half for the last two episodes.

You do not wear the sigil of the house of the “true” fan. You have not suffered our slings and arrows. Your ramparts overrun with the pain of waiting. Holding your breath as the smoke clears, hoping for but a glimpse of what is to come. We have not shed the same blood. You will never sit on the throne!

5 Responses to ““I Drink, and I Know Things””
  1. Sherry says:

    I’m not usually one to comment on blog posts, mainly because of the time it takes to formulate a decent response. The demands on my time are very great, however, in the last week and a half I have binged-watched the entirety of the Game of Thrones series with the exception of the last two unaired episodes. Hence, tonight I find myself with some free time, and your post, Your Grace, definitely requires a response.

    What happened, Ser Brad, is exactly as you described. You, true fans, talked so much about the scenery, character development, costumes and suspenseful plot that I was compelled to watch. Once I started, I just couldn’t stop. I too am addicted and will proudly carry the sige of the time crunched fan that waited, to the joy of the dust bunnies in my house, to watch all at once.

    I do believe I’m equally as excited for these last two episodes in the series, and cannot wait to discuss them with you if you’ll allow me that honor.

    Mother of All Cheating Fans

    • Brad Osborne says:

      Dear Mother of All Cheating Fans,

      If it was consuming of your time to binge watch all the episodes in a week and a half, imagine the free time you would have had waiting for each new season to start. Your dust bunny foes would have never stood a chance. I cannot fault you for hearing about it so frequently and feeling a desire to watch. But the lack of true commitment binge watching supports shows sometimes. You refer to me as “Your Grace” reflecting the position of a King. That felt nice. Then later refer to me as “Ser Brad”, the title of a knight. Off with your head for such disrespect. Is this lack of detailed understanding a symptom of binge watching? Who can say?

      Discuss the final episodes with you? When have you ever known me to not want to talk about something? That is a given and I look forward to the limited insight your less than valiant watching will bring. (Did that sounds sarcastic? It was supposed to.) You can be a Karstark in the “true” fans world and I will leave you with these indominable words from the show:

      Rickard Karstark: “The blood of the First Men flows in my veins as much as yours, boy. I fought the Mad King for your father. I fought Joffrey for you. We are kin, Stark and Karstark.”
      Robb Stark: “That didn’t stop you from betraying me, and it won’t save you now.”

  2. While not a fan, much less a “true” fan, of this particular show, I totally relate to the angst of waiting and withdrawal for another popular show, “This Is Us”. This is insanely well written!

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