The Accountant



The time to be fiscal, it would appear

As our problems multiply and mount

We must take an audit of all the years

Hold our relationship to account


We must balance the ledger of heart

The gains and the losses replete

With graphs and pie shaped charts

Find the truth on our balance sheet


There is noticeable drop in my ROI

And my emotions a deficiency

It is creative math on which I rely

To stave off our insolvency


I am a limited liability company

Not solely responsible for debt

Our love has more liabilities

Than it can show as assets


As with any emotional investment

I was hoping for a rather good yield

But you’ve become a capital expense

Our loving cash flow has congealed


So, I must part with you, as investors do

When their efforts have little return

All the red ink seems to make me blue

For all the options that we have burned


No use in throwing good love after bad

Hoping that will earn a shiny penny

Selling our stock does not make me glad

But other choices, I couldn’t find any




21 Responses to “The Accountant”
  1. Francisco Bravo Cabrera says:

    Very nice Brad! Quite interesting this poem as you have used financial language to deal with a topic of the heart and quite humorously I can see…Great work,
    All the best to you from a rainy and soggy Valencia (there’s storm clouds over the Mediterranean)

  2. Jim Borden says:

    Just declare bankruptcy, chapter 11, and you’ll come out of the relationship even stronger…

    • Brad Osborne says:

      I knew you would have some sound advice, Professor Jim! Hope you enjoyed the nod to your oft maligned profession. Saw a commercial for Villanova’s College of Professional Studies recently on TV. It was very well produced and memorable.

      • Jim Borden says:

        I did appreciate the ode to accounting; I’m the first one to poke fun at it! That’s good to know you found the commercial well done!

  3. kristianw84 says:

    I have to say, as a certified Financial Education Counselor, I have never thought of combining assets with love. I use metaphors all of the time to break down the language so my clients will understand, but I’ve never used love or relationships. I’m impressed! Lol. Only you could make a sad subject humorous. 😂 I hope you had a fabulous weekend.

    • Brad Osborne says:

      Thank you, Kristian! I was just trying to put a humorous and financial spin on a situation all of us are familiar with. I am so glad you enjoyed it! Weekend was great, but as with all of them, too short. Hope you are both well and happy! Much love! ❤❤❤

  4. beth says:

    wow, what an interesting blend and crossover. you’ve done a wonderful job of it

  5. petespringerauthor says:

    Fantastic humor melded into this one, Brad. I love your wit.

  6. WildHeart says:

    Wow!! First three lines and I was thinking, ‘i don’t understand finance’, fourth line, my attention perked up, by the end I was awed!!! Damn amazing! 😍😍😍😍

  7. superiorfakedegree says:

    This is so well written and so wonderful. Thank you so much for this.

  8. jupitergrant says:

    This is fantastic. Very clever 🙂

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