Knowing
~~~
I have more in common with a murderer than a minister
As the red, white, and blue wraps around the sinister
And evil is not evil when thought done for the good
So, we happily take lives as all good soldiers should
~~~
Given a uniform, the fatal skills, and a warrior’s mind
We are thrown into the fray and killing easy to find
While the fear races through the heart of a mother
It avoids the heart of her son who kills his brother
~~~
We see to complete our mission without taking pause
Survival overtakes any sense of reasonable cause
And in a battle won by only who kills whom first
An animal emerges that bears a bloodthirst
~~~
An inebriation of power comes at the taking of life
As another’s hopes drip from the edge of your knife
Here, where my greatest evils lie so unexposed
The light of the once good in me slowly erodes
~~~
I have crossed a line, where few others want to go
Heaven a wonder, yet the real hell is to know
That somewhere inside you, evil sleeps in the man
Who felt nothing for the blood and death on his hands
~~~
Fate denied me a regretless death in the field
And that extra time, no great good did it yield
For the rest of my life, whatever evils I resist
I will have to live knowing that man still exists
~~~
commonsensiblyspeaking 
I cannot even begin to imagine how this impacts you and others who find themselves in the same place. your intentions were not evil, you were in a situation not of your making and have the rest of your life to be the good person who you really are.
Thank you, Beth! Your words are a comfort.
Impactful post shared
Thank you!
Brother dearest, these words always haunt me to the core. Though the thought process can help you see that you did not choose to kill for killing’s sake but through orders given by the government you swore to protect, the heart will always have a place that is forever burned by the knowledge of having killed another. I wish I could carry some of this weight for you!
You do carry some of this weight for me. It is lifted every time you remind me that there is good that has been done too. Love you, sis!
Oh, Brad, this moved me to tears. I can only imagine how heavy this is for you to carry. I will not argue that you have a dark side (we all do), or try to convince you that your feelings are not valid (they are). What I will do, however, is remind you of the good I have always seen in you. You are not evil. Evil is the person who takes a life for their own sake. You took lives for the sake of everyone else. I can’t even imagine how it feels. I wish I had words of comfort. If you ever feel like you can’t see the light within you, just reach out, and I’ll happily tell you what I see. ❤😘
Too kind, my friend. I appreciate your concern and loving support. I try each day to put a little good karma on my side of the scale.
I am not convinced you have more in common with a murderer than a minister. It would make for an interesting conversation. Even a minister can be a murderer.
Yeah, I am not sure picking “minister” was the polar opposite of a murderer. But the alliteration was worth it. Thank you, Geoff!
Extremely powerful, vulnerable words. Thank you for your service and for sharing these words here.
Happy to have played my part. Thank you!